EYEHEARTZOMBIES

Check it out!

OK, let’s try this again. It’s a video I made some 4 or 5 years ago for a contest in Tulsa. I won. My grand prize was a gold glitter-coated cordless telephone handset. Video after the break.

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Since I’m a stay-at-home dad now (not that I’m not looking for work!), I’ve had to adapt how I use my computer. You can’t just plop down on the couch (or, more likely, our new recliner) with the iBook in your lap and go crazy.

The external USB keyboard that Elaine got me for Christmas last year (an old strawberry iMac one that’s been rekeyed to Dvorak) works great. The keys are a little loud, but not so bad that it wakes Monkey up if I keep the typing sane and calm. And Quicksilver eliminates the need for a mouse to launch programs.

Still, a few things bugged me. For one, I couldn’t always know or remember the keyboard shortcut for something in some obscure app that I only use every 3 months. Enter KeyCue. This awesome little app shows all the keyboard shortcuts for any app when you hold down the Command key for a (configurable) brief period. It even changes the highlight depending on your modifier keys.

If that’s not quite enough for you, Apple has something a bit more roundabout built-in. Hit Control+F2 to focus on the menubar. Esc will take you out of it if you don’t chose something.

Window-switching is another area. Yes, I know I could use Exposé, but having learned most of my Mac on an iBook, the function keys aren’t always the most useful (you have to hold down a second key to, for instance, go to Dashboard). I’ve used Witch and it works great if you need to jump from one application’s windows to another’s. If you just want to switch around the windows in a single app, though (like TextMate which has great shortcuts for almost everything else), Witch makes it a bit difficult, as the list is presented in alphabetical order, which is, I now see, configurable. Now, though, I know why TextMate didn’t build that in; Command+` rotates between all the windows open in a given app. Does Apple love you or what?

And, lastly, I’ve been using Firefox for quite awhile since Safari isn’t the most stable on my computer (probably my fault) and I’d really rather work with something more cross-platform. It is, however, a bit annoying to have to reach over to my trackpad just to switch tabs (Command+Shift+Left/Right, or Command+Tab number), switch to the search bar (Command+K) or address bar (Command+L), or switch the search engine (Command+Up/Down when in the search bar). Thankfully I’ve found all of those in the last couple of days. Oh, and to just search through the links on a page, hit ‘ before you start typing.

So I seem to be pretty well set for all of this mouse-less, keyboard-only computing. Now if only I could figure out someway to get my computer to fetch me a drink. Do you have any awesome keyboard/usability shortcuts that you want to share?

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The update of Webpen went really well. I was quite surprised when it worked the first time I tried it. Just goes to show how the universe likes to screw with you. I’m not finished with it, though, by any means. I need to do a bit of an overhaul on the database, too, so that’s kind of put me in slump on it. Soon, though. Soon I will have the bastard figured out and work will resume.

The most awesome thing this week, though, was getting back into Camping. It’s amazingly easy to get started and really makes you learn Ruby more thoroughly. I have a feeling those small wheels are going to come in handy really soon. If nothing else, it’s another bullet point to add onto a resumé.

No, that sounds wrong. i don’t learn things just to stick them on a piece of paper to sell myself more. I learn things so I can use them. I learned Ruby on Rails so I could make web applications like I thought we needed; I learned CSS ’cause font tags and table-based layouts are tedious and extra work. So, now I’m learning Camping ’cause not everything needs the power and heft of Rails behind it.

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Some of you know I’ve been looking for a job for the past while. The rest of you do now.

So last night I decided I needed to try and get Webpen updated to the new look I’ve been working on for it. Yeah, did I mention I haven’t really even touched Webpen in about a year? Been a little busy with the whole move-and-have-a-baby thing, then the raise-the-baby thing.

Anyway, I failed at it. My code looks so horribly ugly compared to how I know Rails code is supposed to look. It’s just…pathetic. Yeah, feel sorry for me. Come on, do it.

Today I think I may buy the updated version of the Rails PDF and start learning again. I really need to get this updated, both for the users and for the potential employers looking at it. Wish me luck.

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God be for us, Silas thought. The drizzle that had sputtered the fires all night long had finally turned to a steady rain that would mask their progress through the trees. Cypher had given him a good lead on their direction and distance before they had set out. Someone had awoken Jonas, who was bringing up the rear guard. It was a small party, just some ten men picking their way over ferns and around prickly pines. Blum, the rookie, was clutching his rifle with white-knuckled hands next to Silas. Pity they that be again’ us.

The “fence” was four miles outside of camp all around. An invisible perimeter guard made up, equally, of men with night-vision goggles and lifeless robotic sentries that Cypher and his fellow hackers had found or liberated from Republic storehouses. The ‘bots perched in trees and inside of shrubs. Cypher had retrofitted flexible tubes with cameras in the end to their sensors, so thin snakes lolled and coiled through the vegetation, watching the countryside for any movement larger than a hair or wolf.

The approaching group, probably just five or so scouts, was less than two miles from camp by now. The direction they seemed to be taking would have led them straight into Mile-High City. Would have if the Legion hadn’t been camped in their way. Silas strained his senses, eyes and ears burning for anything out of the ordinary. He could hear the rustle of wet cloth, the stamp of boots on leaves and mud, a slight jingle from a gun strap or a loose backpack. All coming from his men. The other group couldn’t possibly be far away now, though.

A branch snapped above head and fell crashing through thinner layers, finally rumbling to the ground. Silas heard Blum suck in air and he put a hand to the young soldier’s chest. A shape had jumped in the darkness and several curses had slipped into the night. Silas reached into the pack on his hip and pulled out a hand-sized tin. He hissed three times, two long with a short between, and he heard the men around him putting smoked goggles into place. A pulled pin and a toss into the woods was quickly followed by a glowing sun in the middle of the night.

The flash from the grenade revealed a group of soldiers reeling back, their hands over their faces trying to block the light, seemingly frozen in the middle of falling lines of rain. Silas started counting quickly before the light faded. He was sure of seven soldiers, but thought he might have missed one or two. He yanked his goggles down to hang around his neck when the flashbang had died to the power of half-moonlight.

Hefting his rifle, Silas let out a yell and charged through the woods towards the still-blinded group. He could just make out Blum beside him in the gloom. The rookie screamed a moment later, mustering his courage for the charge. The stunned soldiers weren’t so out of it that they didn’t notice an attack. They hauled their energy rifles and pistols out of where they had been stashed and started looking for a target.

Rain pattered off of the black body armor that Silas wore on his legs. His chest was bare, but painted with black tar, the white skin glowing slightly. The rest of his group was all in black or dark grey as well, helping them blend in with the forest they were now stampeding through. His finger squeezed in on the trigger and bullets flew ahead of him, seeking chinks in his enemy’s armor.

The camouflage only worked until the two groups slammed into each other. Silas saw Blum and Jonas both take down soldiers with the butts of their guns, slamming the stocks into their helmets with slick crunches. The two soldiers crumpled to the mossy ground and didn’t move except for effortless twitches. Blum went down with his, but Jonas kept his feet. Silas grinned as he bore down on his target, the one that had been in the front of the group. He wanted stripes tonight.

“Grrayh!” The scream was a predatory explosion and he was on his prey. Silas clawed at the soldier and knocked his gun to the ground. The Republican grunted and swung at Silas, catching him across the cheekbone. The night erupted into swelling stars and pain. The soldier swung again and took the air from Silas’ lungs.

Silas gasped and choked. The Light-spawned bastard had caught him by surprise. The son of a whore swung an elbow down into Silas’ back and a knee into his ribcage. Silas tumbled to the ground, a fresh bit of choking making his eyes tear up. The soldier fell on top of him, rolling him over and pinning his shoulders to the ground with his knees. Silas’ eyes stung from the rain falling through the trees.

“Sneak up on us, huh?” The voice came out flat and modulated through the soldier’s helmet. Unearthly. “We’ll show you what comes of devil worship and blindsiding the soldiers of God.” He reached behind his back and drew out a pistol. Silas saw the glow start when the soldier flicked a switch. The gun started to power up and Silas started to panic.

He couldn’t move his arms or shoulders, the bastard weighed too much. His hands skittered around on the forest floor, looking for something, anything. He briefly wondered if anyone was going to see him die. And wondered just where the Light they all were. His hands touched warm plastic and a grin broke his lips. The whine from the pistol was reaching it’s apex and he could see the fervent look in his captor’s eyes.

Aiming more with feel and prayer than anything else, Silas pointed the gun at the soldiers back and pulled the trigger. A crimson bolt shot past the soldier’s head and crashed into a tree overhead. The soldier jerked and was off-balance for a split second. Just long enough for Silas to rock with him and throw him to his hands and knees. And long enough to get out from under him. Silas grinned a vicious smile and reached behind his back.

The smoke-blackened blade slid sickly out of its sheath. The soldier pushed himself up to his feet just as Silas darted forward, knife held in front of him. It slid just as easily into the soldier’s stomach. He grunted. Blood slid out between his lips, coating the clear plexiglass on the front of his helmet. “God waits for you,” Silas whispered to him, the forest now silent again. “With the Devil waiting by his side.”

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Incredible Petrified World is one of those supremely dumb “science” fiction movies from the 1950s. This one has a pretty basic premise, no real special effects (save some tumbling rocks and lights pulsing outside of a window), and…well, not much else.

The story goes like this: Scientist designs a diving bell to check out the ocean below the level where sunlight penetrates. Said diving bell works great until it hits about 1,400 feet, then the cable snaps, sending the four passengers (among whom the scientist is not) plummeting down to their crushing death, right? Right. Except not. It stops at 1,700 feet, caught on some “phantom layer” that a narrator spoke about at the beginning; a layer that hangs out almost 2,000 feet below the surface during the day, but comes all the way up at night. Rocks that are scared of the sun, or some such nonsense.

Once on this level, they realize they can see sunlight in the water, so they must not be too deep. The two male scientists and the two females — one a scientist/assistant, the other a reporter — put on wet suits and make a break for it. But not to the surface, where their ship is waiting, it’s crew all convinced of their deaths. No, they swim to a cave that’s nearby. Inside they find that it’s full of air and dry. So out of the wet suits and off they go exploring.

Then they find the only redeeming value this whole movie has to offer. This guy:

He’s some crazy underwater hobo that’s been here for 14 years. He takes the men to see some volcano that’s apparently on the island/level/whatever with them. I’m not really sure if they were IN the volcano or if it just had a separate chamber underwater with them. I hope the first, ’cause a volcano would make a shitty neighbor, up all night with the rumbling and having to deal with leaks in your kitchen ceiling ’cause his lava got out of control again.

I won’t spoil the ending for you, the hobo gets killed by the volcano after trying to rape the reporter and planning to kill the other people, then they all get saved by a second diving bell that the scientist’s brother just happened to have created at the same time but I’m sure you don’t feel too left out.

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